Ohhh, the Realtor Life… Noisy Noises

If there is one attribute about myself that I can honestly say is greater than all my other attributes combined, it is the fact that I GET THINGS DONE. A weird thrill comes over me with the anticipation of being able to complete a task, and an even greater thrill when I get to physically CHECK that task off my list. I’m not one to sit idle either, I need to be doing… always. This is what makes me excel in the workplace- but can also make for a funny story when things don’t go as planned. Because a lot of my job is phone interaction, most of these infractions tend to happen over the phone- whether it’s saying I love you to a random person before hanging up, or leaving an insanely long, rambling voicemail, or just saying something completely off topic.

And now, as if my life wasn’t filled with enough unfortunate events, being the mom of two beautiful…extremely loud children…has exponentially increased the odds of those unfortunate events happening. For example, the time I sold a home to a buyer who needed an inspection within 48 hours of the offer being accepted. Because the contract was executed at 8pm, it left me making calls to inspectors at 8:15. Now, this is right around my kid’s bedtime. They are “brushing their teeth” and in between me screaming at them to stop playing in toilet water, wrestling on the tile floor, and squirting toothpaste everywhere but their toothbrush, I am calling home inspector after home inspector trying to find one that could meet with us within 48 hours.

My 4 year old approaches me and says he has to go to the bathroom. Sure. I’m in the middle of calling the last inspector of the evening, but hey, I’m a mom, I can multi-task. I held the phone to my ear with my shoulder, unzipped his footie pajamas and sat him on the toilet. I start my voicemail, “Hi, this is Susie Cancelliere with Coldwell Banker. I am hoping you can accommodate an inspection this Thursday. You would be a LIFE SAVER if… ” and that’s when it happens. My 4 year old expels an amount of gas that would put a grown man to shame. OMG. And then to my horror- “WHOOOSH”- the toilet flushes. I freeze- it was the longest, most awkward silence of my life. I know all of that noise was CERTAINLY loud enough for the person on the receiving end to hear. And he doesn’t know it was my kid- he probably thinks it was ME! So I have to say SOMETHING. I finally blurt out- “Oh my goodness! That wasn’t me! I swear! I am putting my kids to bed and the little one had to use the restroom. I AM SO SORRY YOU HAD TO HEAR THAT. I am so embarrassed. I would never make calls from the toilet. I am so sorry! Aren’t children a blessing?”- and then I laugh awkwardly.

I finished my voicemail, he called back, acted like nothing happened, and we scheduled the inspection. But I really feel the only reason he accommodated me so quickly, was because he wanted to see the person who left that GOD-AWFUL message.

And that person who left the god-awful message was me. The working mom of two beautiful, extremely LOUD, children.